


How We Go Together

by ekb112



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Developing Relationship, Established Relationship, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Space Husbands, T'hy'la
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-30
Updated: 2015-08-30
Packaged: 2018-04-17 18:37:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4677107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ekb112/pseuds/ekb112
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Have you ever been in love, Spock?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	How We Go Together

**Author's Note:**

> A series of moments in Jim and Spock's relationship.

It's inevitable, really. They're inevitable.

–

They play chess together on their nights off. They share short and sweet moments that Jim savors with every part of his being because he's never had anything like this before. They talk about their lives before the Enterprise and this, this is where their friendship starts: in the corner of Spock's warm room over a 3-D chess set, and Spock almost always wins the games.

–

Spock and Jim eat their lunches together nearly everyday. More often than not, Bones joins them, grumbling about the last horrific thing that Jim has done. They sit together at the small tables and Jim watches with laughter stuck in the back of his throat as Spock tries a particular dish that he clearly doesn't like. Jim teases Spock for the way his face scrunches up and Bones pretends to gag and says “You two are disgusting,” before getting up and walking away.

 –

During travel time in between missions, Jim is prone to becoming restless and fidgety. Spock should probably not find this as amusing as he does, but something about it is entertaining—the way Jim will get up from the Captain's chair and walk in circles around the bridge. He checks on each station as he passes them by, but he always stays longer at the Science station—lingering for an extra 30.2 seconds each time. He'll place a hand on Spock's shoulder as he leans over and surveys the readings that the scanners spit out. He will speak briefly with Spock, over what they are each doing after their shifts, and when he goes to leave, Jim will squeeze Spock's shoulder, and Spock will pretend that his heart rate doesn't increase by 9.4 percent.

–

The planet reminds Spock of Delta Vega, in that it is vast and covered in snow. Jim has ordered an impromptu shore leave, and the crew is to beam down in two separate shifts. It is entirely against regulations, but in recent weeks the whole crew has been pushed past its limits with dangerous, life-threatening missions, and Spock finds he is hard pressed to go up against Jim on this. Perhaps they are in need of a break.

When a snowball is thrown at the back of Spock's head, his only thought is that Jim would be the only one daring enough to tease him in such a way. He turns to see his Captain, standing wide-eyed and innocent, his black gloves littered with melting snow.

Later, Spock won't be able to pinpoint what made him make his own snowball and crush it against Jim's head, but maybe, he thinks, it is the way that Jim smiles at him.

–

“Have you ever been in love, Spock?' Jim asks. His heart races as he dares a glance at Spock, but the Vulcan hasn't taken his gaze away from the tri-d chessboard.

“I once believed that I was in love with Nyota before the termination of our relationship. However upon further reflection, I do not think that was the case, and in fact I was simply infatuated with the idea of her. Something I am not proud of.” When Spock flicks his gaze up and casts it in Jim's direction, it is piercing and soul crushing. “And you, Jim? Have you ever been in love?”

“Y—yeah,” Jim stammers. “Yeah. Once.”

“And?” Spock asks, seemingly intrigued now, “what happened?”

Jim gives a weak smile. “I don't know yet. It's to be continued.”

He can't be positive, but to Jim it almost seems like Spock frowns. “In that case,” Spock says quietly, “I wish you luck in your endeavors.”

Jim swallows hard. “Thanks, I'll probably need it.”

–

On his 27th birthday, Jim is bombarded with messages and well wishes on his descent into his newest year of life. He greets all of this with smiles and hugs, and by the end of the day all he wants is to curl up with a good book and maybe sleep for a whole day or ten.

When he gets back to his quarters at the end of his shift though, Spock is waiting outside the door for him, and Jim can't help but smile. He doesn't object when Spock follows him silently into his rooms, especially since inside, sitting on the table where they normally play chess, there are two plates set out, piled high with all of Jim's favorite food. A candle flickers softly in the middle and Jim's heart all but melts.

“Happy birthday, Jim,” Spock says from behind him.

And how can he not kiss Spock after that?

–

Jim has nightmares.

Spock finds this out when his partner wakes in the middle of the night, thrashing the air and gasping for breath. It is startling and Jim is overly apologetic about something that he likely cannot control. Spock does his best to soothe, runs his hands over Jim's sides and stomach, trying to be as calming as possible.  
Jim clings to the affection like a lifeline, clutching onto Spock with his head buried in Spock's neck. He holds on until his shaking dissolves and Spock can practically feel the energy seeping from Jim as he is eased back into a hopefully dreamless slumber.

And this is how it goes each night. Jim wakes, and Spock comforts until Jim sleeps once more.

–

Jim is yelling something at him, he thinks. He can't be too sure. His voice is distant, and muffled. Spock is vaguely aware that there is blood spilling from his side, directly under his heart. He's losing copious amounts, really, and a small part of him registers surprise at the fact that he is not yet dead.

  
“Spooock!” Everything he hears is long and drawn out. Perhaps something strange has happened to make time move slower, but no, that is illogical. Jim looks fuzzy above him. He is beautiful even when blurred, Spock thinks. “Spock! Spooock! We need to move!” Spock faintly hears the whine of the phaser Jim must be holding, and sees the flash of colored light. “Spock—no no no. Spock come on, don't leave me, you—you can't leave me!” Jim is beautiful, Spock thinks again, and he is pleased that if he is to die now, at least Jim is by his side.

When he wakes in medbay two days later, Jim is on him in a flash, and he doesn't let go, doesn't let go for anything.

–

They spend a lot of time on the observation deck. Jim likes to sit on the big couches that are lined up against the wall, piled high with pillows. He'll slump against Spock's side and watch as the stars streak by the glass, and listen to Spock tell him stories of his childhood. When Jim asks Spock about his mom, the Vulcan tenses against him involuntarily, and it takes him a minute to relax.

“My mother?” Spock says.

“Mm,” Jim hums. “What was she like?”

“She was—” Spock starts and cuts off uncharacteristically. “She was very warm, and kind. I believe she loved my father and I very much. I regret that I did not show more affection towards her as I was growing up.”

“Spock,” Jim squeezes Spock's forearm, “Spock, that wasn't your fault. You were being raised as a Vulcan. Repressing your emotions was part of that.”

“Perhaps,” Spock murmurs. “However that does not mean that I do not regret it. My only desire is that she knew how much love I had for her.”  
Jim leans in and presses a kiss to Spock's neck, sweet and lingering. “She knew,” he whispers.

–

Touching Jim intimately is a pleasure that Spock never thought he would be able to acquire. Now that he has the ability to do so, he finds that he never wishes to stop. He relishes in the way that Jim kisses him and runs his fingers over Spock's own. He is greedy for the way Jim begs him, when he has his Human naked and bent in half at the waist. He catalogues the way Jim's face scrunches up before relaxing into a silent cry as Spock pushes inside, and how Jim's back arches when Spock hits those nerves. And he knows, somehow without a doubt, that this is what Jim wants, what Jim loves, the burn and the stretch, the dull pain that comes with the sharp pleasure, because it feels right, and they are finally home.

– 

Jim has this thing where he likes to steal Spock's sweaters. He'll sneak them from Spock's side of the closet when Spock isn't looking. He does it partially because he likes that they're incredibly warm and they smell like Spock. But he also does it because of the way Spock looks at him when he sees Jim wearing them. His eyes narrow and his lips curl up on one side—just barely.

“Like what you see?” Jim asks, cocky.

“Yes,” Spock agrees. “Please remove my sweater from your person.”

Jim frowns a little. “How come?”

Spock's eyes darken just the tiniest bit. “I much prefer you naked,” he says, and Jim laughs as he is tackled to the bed.

– 

"Why can't you just respect the decisions I make?!" Jim shouts.

"It is not that I do not respect your decisions. I do not understand your lack of respect for your own safety and wellbeing," Spock bites back. "You put yourself in needless danger by beaming down to the planet alone."

"Which you've already told me a thousand times! And in front of my crew! You can't undermine everything I do!" 

"I am not undermining you by discussing your irrational choices with you," Spock grits out.

"My choices aren't irrational–" Jim starts. 

"They are," Spock cuts him off, "And they are not without consequences."

"I don't have to explain myself to you!" Jim counters. He runs his hands through his hair, aggravated. "God, sometimes I wonder why we're even together!"

Spock, who looks like he's about to say something, stops short. "Then you should wonder no longer," he says, and the door is closing behind him before Jim can say anything else.

 

He chimes at Spock's door at the end of his shift, because it's been two days, and too long, and Spock is one thing that he will never be able to give up, not for anything. Spock answers and does not say anything, merely steps aside to allow Jim entrance. They look at each other for a long time without speaking before Jim breaks the silence. "I didn't mean it," he whispers.

"No?" Spock says, taking a step toward Jim.

"I'm sorry."

"As am I," Spock murmurs, reaching his hand out to Jim. "I am aware you cannot always be safe. All I request is that you attempt to do so if you are able."

Jim wraps his arms around Spock's waist. "I can do that."

–

When Jim is sick, Spock does his best to care for him. Dr. McCoy orders the captain to a week of bedrest after diagnosing him with the Andorian Flu, and given how sick he is, Jim doesn't even attempt to disagree.

After his shift, Spock returns to their quarters to find Jim burrowed under the covers, the temperatures raised to a degree even Spock is not used to on the ship. Spock sits on the edge of the bed and pulls down the blankets just enough to see Jim's face, flushed with persistent fever. “Jim,” he murmurs. He runs his fingers along Jim's cheeks. They are hot to the touch.

“Mmph.” Jim turns his face into Spock's hand and sighs. “Don't feel good.”

“I am aware,” Spock says, brushing hair back from Jim's forehead. “I merely came to bring you soup and to inform you that the ship is well taken care of. Dr. McCoy will come in the morning to administer another hypo. I shall leave you to rest now, ashal-veh.”

Jim shakes his head, and a hand reaches out to clasp Spock by the arm. “No,” he mutters, opening his eyes and looking at Spock. “Are you off shift?”

“Yes,” Spock says.

“Mm,” Jim hums. “Will you stay with me then? Since I'm sick I promise I'll only try and jump you like...once.”

Spock huffs out a breath of amusement and lets himself be pulled under the covers with Jim. 

–

Jim tells Spock about Tarsus. About how he had liked it at first, and how Governor Kodos had seemed kind. He tells Spock about the genocide and the kids that he tried to save. How he had done his best to sneak them out of the colony, attempted to get them somewhere safe. He talks about how it wasn't enough, how no matter what he did, most of those kids were doomed to die anyway, already too far gone when he had taken them with him.

Spock listens intently, and Jim is shaking by the end of his recollections.

“Jim,” Spock says, as Jim is pulled tightly into Spock's arms. “I am sorry.”

If a tear slips past Jim's eye, Spock doesn't say anything about it. “Yeah,” he murmurs, “So am I.” 

–

Spock quickly learns that he get jealous easily—at least when it comes to Jim. Jim is an impeccable specimen in the eyes of many, including those of different worlds. There is something universally appealing about his golden skin and the blue of his eyes.

Negotiations with different planets are always the most difficult times for Spock. He does not mind the diplomatic side of things. He believes he is well suited in that aspect, however with every planet they go to, Jim is often seen as not a captain, but nothing more than a beautiful conquest.

Spock thinks this now as he watches princess Soome of the planet Sora, run her scaled hand up and down Jim's arm in an obvious gesture of attraction. She is magnificent, a humanoid with shimmering red skin and sky blue hair. The princess leans forward and whispers something into Jim's ear to make him laugh, and when she embraces Jim, Spock has seen enough.

He does his best to calmly walk over to where the Jim and the princess are standing. “Captain,” Spock says lowly, “I have an urgent matter that needs to be discussed with you.”

Jim looks at him like he might be going crazy. Perhaps he is.

“Privately,” Spock adds sternly.

“Uh, okay, Commander.”

Spock does not grab Jim's hand to drag him away from the reception but it is a near thing. When they are out of the main hall and in a quiet corridor, Spock slams Jim into the nearest wall, and kisses him hard.

Jim places his hands on Spock's shoulders as if to push Spock back, but all he ends up doing is pulling him closer. When they break apart, Spock is breathless and Jim looks confused. "What the hell?" he says.

Spock brushes hair from Jim's face. "You are not hers," he murmurs into the close space between them.

" _What_?" Jim frowns. "Of course I'm not. What made you think–" he cuts off. "Oh my god. Spock. Are you... _jealous_? Of Soome?"

"Jealousy is illogical," Spock says.

Jim smiles then laughs. "So that's a yes," he says, squeezing Spock's hand. It sends a bolt of pleasure through Spock's system. "Spock, she may be flirting with me, but I promise I'm not flirting back. I'm just being nice. It's part of the whole captaining thing."

"She was touching you," Spock states matter-of-factly.

"I can't promise that's not going to happen again," Jim says.

"You are not hers," Spock says again, leaning forward until his forehead rests against Jim's. 

"No," Jim agrees, and pulls Spock even closer. "No, I'm yours. Only yours."

– 

They get the news when they are star mapping in the Delta quadrant.

Spock is not able to find where Jim is hiding until long after his shift has ended. He makes his way down to the deep recesses of Engineering to find Jim leaning against the door that leads to the warp core. The one that, just over a year and a half ago, Jim had died behind.

The captain doesn't seem to notice Spock approaching, or at least does not acknowledge him until he is sitting on the floor directly next to him. Jim turns his head to look at Spock. His face is flushed, eyes glassy and rimmed with red. He has been crying recently. "You found me," Jim laughs, but it is mirthless. It causes an unexplainable pain in Spock's stomach.

"Yes," Spock says. "I found that I was worried when you left during the middle of your shift."

"Yeah, well, not everyday that you find out your mom was killed by a bunch of Klingons."

"I grieve with thee," Spock murmurs. He places a hand on Jim's shoulder, unsure if his touch is welcome, but Jim melts against his side, turning his face into Spock's shoulder.

"Thank you," Jim whispers into Spock's shirt. "And thank you, for not coming after me right away."

Spock shakes his head, but Jim does not see. "I understood that you would need your time."

"Yeah," Jim breathes out. "I just can't believe she's gone."

Spock has met Winona Kirk at three different times, and each time she reflected much of Jim's personality. He sees in Jim the same fire that Winona had in her. "She is not gone," Spock says, "She is within you."

 –

He doesn't say 'I love you' because he doesn't know how. It's not something he's ever said to anyone, so he does his level best to show Spock just how much he means to him, in the way he kisses Spock with fingers and lips, and the way he holds him, like there can never be anyone else. Like there never will be anyone else.

So when he finally does say it and Spock is silent, Jim gets nervous. He looks down at his hands and waits for Spock to rebuff him, because clearly that's what's going to happen if his boyfriend isn't saying anything back. When he does look up, however, Spock is staring at him so intensely that Jim think's there are going to be holes in his skull.

"Jim?" Spock prompts.

Jim looks down again, feeling flustered. "I don't know, I just–" he sighs. "I love you. And...and I thought you should know."

Spock's mouth quirks up on one end. "I know."

"Oh," Jim says, "Well good, that's good, then."

"Yes," Spock agrees. "Jim."

"Yeah?" Jim looks up again, and Spock is next to him now, his hand reaching out to stroke Jim's cheek. 

"I am in love with you, also," Spock confides, his fingers working their way to Jim's chin.

Jim smiles. "I know," he mimics, and closes the gap between their lips.

–

"I need you, now, Spock," Jim pleads.

Spock groans and pitches himself forward on his hands as he finally, finally pushes inside of Jim, and all he knows is the heat of Jim's body surrounding his cock as he sets an easy rhythm between them, slow and unhurried.

Jim wants none of this, however, as he wraps his legs around Spock's waist and urges him to go deeper, to push harder, to just _go_. There is little acquiescence on Spock's part, his thrusts picking up in tempo. Jim says his name like a ritual chant on every down-stroke, and the two of them are worlds away from anything but the feeling of where they are connected, unsure of where one stops and the other begins. 

Later, when they are sated and curled in to one another, Spock absently wonders how he ever did without this.  

–

When they meld, it is unlike anything either of them has ever experienced. They both take turns, looking at old memories and thoughts, diving deeper and deeper each time they go under. 

Jim watches Vulcan children bully Spock in the pits of their school system and sees Spock throw punches. He looks at the memory of Spock's mother being deemed inferior for being Human, and he watches as Spock turns away from his homeworld and turns to Earth and to Starfleet in search of something new.

Spock sees Jim as an eleven-year-old who nearly dies as the old car is driven straight off of the cliff into the canyons below. He sees Jim and the starving children on Tarsus IV. He watches Jim board the shuttle that will take him to the Academy in San Francisco, to his new life.

And at the core for both of them there is the undeniable, irrefutable love that they have for each other.

_T'hy'la_.

– 

"Would you bond with me?" Spock says one afternoon.

"Hmm?" Jim murmurs, looking up from his PADD. The words don't seem to register with him.

"Would you bond with me?" Spock repeats.

"What did you say?" Jim asks, putting the PADD down on his desk. 

"I asked if you would–"

"No, I heard what you actually said," Jim cuts him off. A grin is taking place over his features. "I just wanted to make sure I'm not hallucinating."

Spock resists the urge to sigh. "I can assure you that you are not hallucinating."

Jim has gotten up at this point, and has started making his way over to the bed where Spock is sitting. "Are you postive? Can you pinch me, just to make sure?"

"I have changed my mind," Spock says, exasperated and amused at once. "I do not wish to bond with an infuriating brat."

"That's too bad," Jim says. His smile reaches his eyes as he climbs into Spock's lap and wraps his arms around his neck. "Because my answer is yes. And that means you're stuck with me forever."

"Indeed?" Spock says, letting out a hum as Jim places a necklace of kisses down his neck.

"Indeed," Jim mimics.

"Forever is acceptable," Spock agrees as he becomes lost in Jim.

–

It's inevitable, really. They're inevitable.

**Author's Note:**

> This fandom gives me life.  
> You can find me on tumblr here: http://unexspockted.tumblr.com/
> 
> If you read this, then I owe you a million thank yous.  
> This was unbeta-ed so all errors are my own.  
> And I hope you enjoy!
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GdRrcqnPn_k (And though probably no one cares, this song is all I listened to when I was writing this)


End file.
